The Difference Between Men and Women

Someone on my Facebook page posted this yesterday, and I thought it was cute.

Singing birds.

The Difference Between Men And Women.

Let’s say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

And then, there is silence in the car. Continue reading →

The Baron’s Lady

The Baron's LadyThe Baron’s Lady is the third installment in the Gisborne family saga.  I received this book for review.  I always give my honest thoughts whether or not I paid for a book.

I love the writing of this author.  Charlotte Hawkins writes romance stories the way I love to read them.  The hero and heroine all have a deep love that goes beyond sexual attraction.  There is always a soul to soul connection that touches my heart.

I have been reading romance novels since I was nineteen years old.  There is a formula in many that mainstream publishers insists upon.  Hero and Heroine basically love one another, but for about two hundred and fifty pages the couple are entwined in some huge misunderstanding.  In the last twenty or so pages they finally admit their undying love and the story ends.  This is a formula that has always annoyed the heck out of me, and I am glad that Miss Hawkins does not follow it.

In The Baron’s Lady, Owen, the son of Guy and Cassia Gisborne falls deeply in love with Lady Isabella.  Owen’s love for her is steadfast and unbending.  No matter what society dictates he was not going to be prevented from being with the woman he loves, and no one is going to tell him who he should or should not love.  In that respect, Owen reminds me so much of Matthew Clairmont in A Discovery of Witches.   Owen is very much his father’s son too.  I love Guy of Gisborne more in this trilogy than I ever did in the Robin Hood series starring Richard Armitage.

I enjoy reading about the entire Gisborne family in this trilogy.  They are a strong, loving and very close-knit family.   Guy and Cassia created a wonderful legacy, thanks to Miss Hawkins.

 

4 Stars 

Men and Age Discrimination in Love & Romance

YoungWomanOlderManOnBeach-850x567I have to write about this because I find it to be a challenging situation.   I know a number of women who are over 40 and have a difficult time meeting men because of their age, even when the men are the same age they are.  Say for instance you are a 45 year-old woman and you decide to look for love online.  You are looking for a man between the ages of 40 and 50.  However, the men on the dating site will have an age range that is totally not in sync with yours.  For example, a 45 year-old man on a dating site will often want to meet a woman between the ages of 25 and 38.  Er…excuse me?  If you are a 45 year-old male, why would you not want to meet a woman who is also 45, but instead require a maximum accepted age of up to only 38?   Would you not have much more in common with a woman who is your own age than you would a 25 year-old or even a 35 year-old woman?   What is it about women who are YOUR OWN AGE that you cannot deal with?  What men who age discriminate in love and romance need to remember is that you ALSO HAVE CROWS FEET AROUND YOUR EYES.  Have you bothered to look in the mirror lately?  Why do you think that it is okay for you to walk around looking middle-aged and a woman has to always look 20 years old if she wants a man?

If you are a man and reading this and you are this type of man, then Xenia has something to share with you.  You need to get a grip.  First of all, I have met many men in their late forties and even into their 50’s who are paying out child support to some 25ish and/or 30 something woman, when at your age you are more expected to either be done or near finished raising children.  I do not want to meet some middle-aged man and have to hear that he has a two and a half-year old child.   Now, please don’t get me wrong.  I love children and always wanted children of my own.  As a matter of fact I wanted to have at least six children of my own and then adopt a few.  I ended up not having any because it was always important to me not to be a statistic by having children out-of-wedlock.     No offense intended to women who had children out-of-wedlock.  It is simply that I knew being a black girl many people expect us all to have children out-of-wedlock.  Plenty of white girls have children out-of-wedlock, but society likes to make it seem as if only black girls do it, and that has always bothered me.  I was determined not do to it, and honestly did not want to take that path if I could help it anyway.

When it became clear that It was not going to be easy to find the man I want to marry, I decided to be celibate quite early on.   I was not interested in sleeping with every man who asked me out.  Well, to be honest, If I don’t love you, I am NOT sleeping with you.  I never had a one night stand in my entire life.  Shocking isn’t it?  Girl, if you want your dating life to come to a near screeching halt just become celibate.  You let a man know that there will be no “reward” after he takes you out to dinner, then you can just about expect to be cooking your own meal at home from then on and eating it alone.  It can be a lonely life, but it is the path that I chose because I knew that I could not deal with the alternative.  I try to keep my sense of who I am as a woman and what works for me.  I am the one who has to live with anything I choose to do or not do.    How I decided to live my life is not for everyone and I understand that, but if I don’t keep to my own values that I am comfortable with, then my life will spin out of control and I will be very unhappy.

I wanted children in my twenties so that by the time I reached my age now I would be done raising them.  At this juncture in my life I really don’t want to meet a man with young children.  He either has to have grown children or just never had any.  Now I only want to come home to my husband at the end of the day.  At one time I would have loved to come home to a house filled with children, but now I no longer desire that because I am at a different place in my personal evolution.   For me getting married now would be about sharing my life with my best friend who is also my lover, having fun with him and growing together in every way.  I want us to be together often, but not lose myself in him.  I can see us going off on many long weekend getaways, and even moving to another country just for fun.  I don’t want us to have to consider anyone but ourselves in anything we decide to do.   That may seem selfish to some people, but I don’t see anything wrong with it.  I would like us to be able to pick up and go anytime we want to, so that will even leave out having pets…HA!  I prefer marriage to living together because well……I want a wedding.  I have dreamed of having a beautiful wedding since I was a little girl so I want one.  I want a very small, but meaningful and beautiful wedding.

Anyway, I am getting off the subject of this post.   The  shallowness of some men turn me off.  If you are a man over 40 you are way too old to still be basing relationships on such shallow notions.  Do you have any idea how many fabulous women you are turning away just because you want to be able to tell your friends that your girlfriend just graduated from high school 5 years ago?  What kind of nonsense is that?  Grow up!  I know so many middle-aged men paying out over $500.00 a week in child support.  I used to know one middle-aged man who was paying out over $700. per week in child support.  One of the reasons that some child support payments are so high is because as men move on up in their careers their salaries are so much higher.  This is one reason some (not all) younger women even bother with older men in the first place.  An older man is more financially established and probably has a boatload of money in his 401K too.  Do you really want a woman who is mostly interested in your money?

I am now in a different place in my life and so would a man over 40.  Why in the world would you not want a mate who is in a similar place in life?  A woman over 40 is also not an old hag by any stretch of the imagination.  The world is filled with over 40, fabulous and sexy women.  We are not ready to roll up the sidewalk and call it a life.  We still look great, are very vibrant, alive and more confident than we have ever been at any other time in our lives.

Speaking of looking old, I think that Hugh Jackman looks older now at 44 than his wife Deborra-Lee does who is 13 years older.  Jack the man has more crows feet around his eyes than Deborra.

Hugh Jackman 3Jack the man is looking mighty sexy and handsome but he still has crows feet.

Deborra-Le and her husband Jack the man.

Deborra-Le and her handsome husband Hugh Jackman.

My point is not to make fun of anyone who has crows feet.   I am just trying to make a point.  If Jack the man cared about Deborra-Lee’s age when he met her, he would have cheated himself out of 17 years and counting of a happy marriage.

Online Dating – Have I done It?

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On Monday I met some friends for lunch at our local Chipotle Mexican Grill.  We got to talking about online dating because one guy in our group met his girlfriend on Match dot-com.  It has been five months since they hooked up and everything is going great.  He says that she is one of the loveliest women he has ever met.  Both are divorced single parents and have met one another s family.  It is too early to tell if they will get married, but I imagine that some time down the road if things continue going well there will be a wedding.  He is a very nice man who tried other dating services before meeting the lovely lady on Match dot-com.

We started to talk about online dating in general and how we feel about it.  Personally, I think it is great way to meet someone because the internet expands your horizons.  I have friends that I met online through blogging or being a part of some specialty group.  I would not have met these people it if was not for the internet.  Being online gives you the opportunity to cross paths with people you never would have met otherwise.  I know quite a few people who met their spouses online and they are very happily married.  Of course you do have to be careful who you meet when doing the online dating thing, but I would think the same should apply even if you are not meeting people online.  Dating horror stories did not begin with the internet.  I recall meeting a guy several years ago who was a long time friend of my cousins.  He knew my aunt as well and many other members of my family for years.  I went out to dinner with him one evening and then later he tried to date rape me.  I won’t go into the details because I don’t want to relive it.  I was very lucky to have escaped physically unharmed.  I was emotionally a wreck though for some time.

I read the story about the woman who is suing Match dot-com for her nightmare, but I personally feel that you cannot put it all on the dating site alone.  You have to take responsibility for your own safety and not just leave it in the hands of some company.   That jerk who nearly raped me was not out of a dating site.  He was a known friend of my family for years, so you don’t need to go on a dating site to end up with a horror story.  Having said all that, I still do recommend online dating because it increases your pool of people that you meet.  Online dating has also become a very normal way to meet people for relationships.  No longer is there a stigma attached to it.  Years ago advertising for love was thought of as for people who could not get a date otherwise.   It was assumed that there had to be something wrong with you.  Now people of all races, ethnicity, educational background, religion and social status use online dating services.

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dating services collageThese days there is a dating club for just about every group of people.

woman-computers

personals Okay, now that I have gone on about how online dating is a viable way to meet people, I don’t like the idea for myself.   I tried and I just cannot get into it.  Why you ask?  Because I don’t want to meet my Prince Charming that way.  I want a more romantic story.  Meeting the love of my life on a dating site is just not romantic to me.  I love the idea of online dating for others, but not for ME.  I know that is hypocritical, but it is how I honestly feel.  I want a totally romantic scenario, as such he saw me while he was out somewhere and the minute his eyes rested on me he just KNEW I belonged to him.  From that point on he swept me off my feet.  Okay folks, I know that sounds corny and even unrealistic to some of you, but it is what I truly desire and I don’t see it as corny or the least bit unrealistic.  It does not have to be exactly the scenario I described, but you get my drift.  And NO, I am not trying to copy what happened with Harry Kennedy and Geraldine Granger.  I always wanted it to happen this way for me long before I even heard of The Vicar of Dibley.

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Geraldine and Harry meet each other.

…But since you made me mention Harry Kennedy, oops, there he is.

Anyway, one of the guys in my lunch group on Monday agreed with me.  He did not like the idea of finding his love online either even though he thinks it is great for everyone else.

What would really be nice is if I met my Prince at a museum.  Oh wouldn’t that be thrilling because then I would know that he loves engaging in cultural activities too.  What would be even more perfect is if I met him at one of the spiritual events that I attend and that way I would know that we are on the same spiritual path.

finding-online-loveI just cannot bring myself to find love online, but it is a great option for the rest of the adult single population.   If you found love and romance online I would love to hear about it.

Romantic Day Dreaming Moments

I was just looking at the photos of a Tumblr site that I found out about on Pinterest.  The Tumblr site is called That Inspiration Girl.  It is such an inspiring page that I had to add to my links page so that I can remember it.  I found many of the pictures to be so romantic, which led me to go into one of my many Anne of Green Gables day dreaming states.  I have always been a day dreamer.  I have a very vivid imagination and it is a very important tool that I use in the manifestation process.

Dreams Come True

Romance on a bridgeThis is the initial photo that I saw on Pinterest that led me to That Inspirational Girl.  As soon as I saw this photo, thoughts and images of romance swept right into my head.  I have no idea where this picture was taken, but I immediately saw myself in my mind’s eye standing on this bridge with the Handsome Stranger from the Vicar of Dibley in a romantic and loving embrace.  I love how the light beams of the setting sun is being beautiful reflected in the shimmering water.

 

Romantic photoIf I look real closely at this picture I can see me and you know who enjoying the rippling water.

 

prior park, bathContinuing to use my imagination, on a warm, but rainy day I can see me and him standing by the columns and looking out.

 

the seine riverMe and him are holding hands and slowing walking along the river Seine.

 

romantic shabby chic bedOohh…just look at this beautiful bed decorated in shabby chic bedding.  I love it and I can easily picture myself and the handsome stranger in it (of course we are…ahem… married).

 

shortbread cookies, fruits and teaHow about some tea, biscuits and fresh fruit for me and the man?

 

readingAhh…I love to read!  It is so lovely to make myself comfortable with a great book and know that he is nearby in the room too.

reading togetherSometimes we will read together.

 

deer through the fogSuppose me and him lived in a house that gave us a panoramic view of the woods behind it.  We both look up to see this beautiful deer wandering in the woods.

 

cup of hot teaHe just made me a nice hot cup of tea.  What a man!

 

Harrod's chocolatierI can enjoy my tea with the chocolates he purchased for me.

 

engagement ringMy engagement ring came in this case.

 

romantic wedding tableWe were married at dawn in a private civil ceremony.   The next day we wed again in front of our family and close friends.  Afterwards we all sat down to a candlelight dinner.

 

Make Believe…and make it REAL