Do You Do Single Well?

livingaloneI have been thinking quite a bit about relationships lately. What I came to realize from recent conversations I’ve had is that many people are in a relationship with another person who is not really what they are looking for in a partner. However, they remain in their relationship because they do not like the alternative, which is being alone. Many people would rather put up with a man or woman (whatever the case may be) just to avoid being alone. I did not realize how widespread this sentiment is.   Many men and women simply do not do single well.  Being without a significant other is a frightening and depressing situation to be in for many people. Continue reading →

This entry was posted in Love.

The Baron’s Lady

The Baron's LadyThe Baron’s Lady is the third installment in the Gisborne family saga.  I received this book for review.  I always give my honest thoughts whether or not I paid for a book.

I love the writing of this author.  Charlotte Hawkins writes romance stories the way I love to read them.  The hero and heroine all have a deep love that goes beyond sexual attraction.  There is always a soul to soul connection that touches my heart.

I have been reading romance novels since I was nineteen years old.  There is a formula in many that mainstream publishers insists upon.  Hero and Heroine basically love one another, but for about two hundred and fifty pages the couple are entwined in some huge misunderstanding.  In the last twenty or so pages they finally admit their undying love and the story ends.  This is a formula that has always annoyed the heck out of me, and I am glad that Miss Hawkins does not follow it.

In The Baron’s Lady, Owen, the son of Guy and Cassia Gisborne falls deeply in love with Lady Isabella.  Owen’s love for her is steadfast and unbending.  No matter what society dictates he was not going to be prevented from being with the woman he loves, and no one is going to tell him who he should or should not love.  In that respect, Owen reminds me so much of Matthew Clairmont in A Discovery of Witches.   Owen is very much his father’s son too.  I love Guy of Gisborne more in this trilogy than I ever did in the Robin Hood series starring Richard Armitage.

I enjoy reading about the entire Gisborne family in this trilogy.  They are a strong, loving and very close-knit family.   Guy and Cassia created a wonderful legacy, thanks to Miss Hawkins.

 

4 Stars 

You Can’t Start the Next Chapter of Your Life If…

The next chapterI love the quote that says, “You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one“.  Unless the man in that last chapter is a John Thornton, Matthew Clairmont or someone like them it is time for you to move on.  Why do so many women hold onto men that mostly are not what they are looking for.  LET HIM GO!  Is he that good in bed that you are willing to put up with his crap or are you simply that insecure about being without a man until you find that one you really want?

News Flash:  If life with your man is regular drama and/or uncertainty you may want to reconsider the relationship.

Let Me CLARIFY A Few Things About My Susan Patton Post

princeton31n-2-webHi everyone.  Let me CLARIFY a few things about my Susan Patton blog post before I get my hand slapped by too many women…LOL

I admit that there are some things in Susan’s piece that are offensive, such as implying that women who are intelligent are not pretty and women who are exceptionally pretty don’t have any interest in bettering themselves except via a male.  I am also not thrilled about men or women getting married so young.  As I wrote in my post I think that it is better to get out and experience the world as a single person, do some traveling and expand your horizons.  Unless you are convinced that you found the love of your life while you are in college do not be in a hurry to marry.    I actually think that people should not even think about marriage until some time after age 25.  I am so NOT a fan of a woman going from living with her parents to a husband.  When you are in college you are only semi on your own.  You most likely are living with a bunch of roommates and still have not been truly on your own.  Learning to live successfully on your own is so important.  Get out there and buy your own house.  I did it.  I purchased two fabulous homes on my own.  If I need a new car I buy it.  If I want to travel someplace I pay for the trip and go where I want.  I even have the nerve to travel solo.   I embrace life with joy and have proven to myself over, and over again, ad nauseum, that I don’t need a man to provide for myself or to even be 100% happy.  I have lived life perfectly happy and in joy without having a husband or even a boyfriend.  If I got married when I was 22 and I am positive that I would be a divorced woman now.  At twenty-two I was still learning about myself and what my “mission” is in life.  I have come such a long way since I was 22.  My parents wish that I had gotten married and still want that for me, but overall they are proud of the woman who I have become.  My Mom was visiting me two weeks ago and while she was here said that she is so glad that I can be alone with myself without freaking out.  I am glad too!

Having said all of that I cannot be mad at Susan Patton because I do not think she is totally off the mark.  I do feel that how she expressed her thoughts was pretty darned crude though.  I could have said the same thing in a different way without getting people (women) so mad at me.  While I personally would not encourage a 22-year-old woman to get married, so many do want to do just that.  All of my life I meet women of all ages who just want a man.  Women from the young to the middle-aged have admitted to me that they don’t do “single” well.  Yes, even in this day and age when so many women have college degrees and can take care of themselves they still just want a man and will put up with all types of disrespectful behavior to have one.  Not all, of course, but still too many.   I am more appalled by that type of thinking and behavior than a 22-year-old college female looking for a husband who is her intellectual equal while she is in school.  I just think there are much worse things.  If I had a penny for all the desperate for a man women that I have encountered and still encounter I would be swimming in gold coins.  Don’t get me wrong.  I want a man too but dayum!  Not at the expense of my peace of mind and the ripping to shreds of my values.

Females are generally still taught by both parents that it is important to marry a man who can provide very well for her.  A man is supposed to provide for his family and the more money he makes the better.  If he is a college graduate, bingo!  That is even better.

mrsOkay, let me address Miss Servetus

1). Urging twenty-two-year-olds who may never have lived on their own or supported themselves by their own work to marry? (Urging twenty-two-year-olds period to marry?) – Yes, I totally agree.  Read what I write above on this point.  I think It is better to experience life as a single first and I would advise it over marrying at 22 if you have not yet found love.

2). Suggesting that the only way a smart woman can get a man is if she gets her claws in quick?   I am not sure how to answer this question because the world is loaded with smart women who are not married (some never) and the older we get the more challenging it is to find love.  Why is that exactly?

3). Implying that pretty women and smart women are two different groups of people?  Yes, I agree with you on this point too.  Lots of pretty women are exceptionally beautiful.  I am willing to give Susan the benefit of the doubt by believing that she did not mean for that point to come out the way it did.  Not to mention the insults that it heaps on men.  Well, men can be shallow like that lots of times.   Men tend to be visual creatures and often do choose women on looks first and personality second.

Addressing Miss Jasmine

1). In school i remember seeing girls from neighboring colleges coming onto campus for weekend parties because they really wanted to marry a guy from my school, thinking that it meant they would be set up for a prosperous life. those guys were only interested in having sex with them and then tossing them off in search other conquests, and they ended up having broken hearts because they were so focused on these guys instead of focusing on bettering themselves.  That is sad and unfortunate.   I find it sad too that women believe they have to sleep with a man in the first place to get him.  What’s up with that?  I want a man to love me first which may seem unrealistic but never-the-less is what I want.

2). Men tend to be less “focused” on women’s education because society doesn’t put pressure on them to marry their “intellectual equals.” (I would agree)  because of this, men can focus on finding traits in a woman that he deems important for marriage.  What traits are those?  Blond hair and great in bed?  I am not being sarcastic, I am really asking the question.    I have heard men say they want a blond and she has to be great in bed before mentioning any other traits that have anything to do with her personality.  

Okay, I have to end this post here because I started reading the book A Discovery of Witches  by Deborah Harkness yesterday and cannot wait to get back to it.  And YES, Richard Armitage is Professor Matthew Clairmont!  No other actor need apply for this role.  Richard Armitage as Thorin can’t come near Richard Armitage as Matthew Clairmont.  This is how I feel and I am only on chapter three…HA!

Let me take this opportunity to express my love and thanks to all of you who keep me on my toes, and take time out of your busy schedule to visit Collar City Brownstone.

Copy of love-invocation

Should You Find A Husband While in College?

Susan Patton

Susan Patton

A couple of weeks ago Princeton Alumni, Susan Patton, caused an uproar when she gave her advice to young college women.  Below is an excerpt.

“When I was an undergraduate in the mid-seventies, the 200 pioneer women in my class would talk about navigating the virile plains of Princeton as a precursor to professional success. Never being one to shy away from expressing an unpopular opinion, I said that I wanted to get married and have children. It was seen as heresy.

For most of you, the cornerstone of your future and happiness will be inextricably linked to the man you marry, and you will never again have this concentration of men who are worthy of you.

Here’s what nobody is telling you: Find a husband on campus before you graduate. Yes, I went there.

I am the mother of two sons who are both Princetonians. My older son had the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless. Men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated. It’s amazing how forgiving men can be about a woman’s lack of erudition, if she is exceptionally pretty. Smart women can’t (shouldn’t) marry men who aren’t at least their intellectual equal. As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market. Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are. And I say again — you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you.”  To read the entire piece click HERE.

Personally, I don’t understand why people are getting so upset.  It is true that today many women are not interested in getting married, but I think for the most part many women do still want to be married, or at least in a long-term committed relationship.  If you are a very well-educated woman it can be a challenge finding a husband that is on your educational level if that is important to you.   Susan Patton is a woman who has been there and done and is now imparting what she has learned since 1977, therefore  why can’t other women respect her for being honest about it.  Susan is not the only college educated woman I have heard complain about not being able to find husband’s on their educational level. so what exactly is the problem?  As black women increasingly become better educated you hear the same complaints about not being able to find eligible black men with the same level of education. 

college-womanI am big on romance, so looking for a husband while you are preparing for an incredible career at University is hardly what I would call romantic, but it still makes sense to me and I don’t see anything wrong with it.  As long as you are not marrying someone just because he will also have a degree I think it is fine.  I hope that a woman would also desire to be hopelessly in love with her husband and vice versa.  Actually, I think that many couples do meet in college.  I am not really a big fan of getting married at such a young age.  Unless you absolutely feel that you have met your soul-mate I think that it is a great idea to enjoy your life as a single first.  When you are in college you just left your parents house.  How about learning how to live on your own first and doing some traveling?  I feel that if you expand your horizons you will increase your chances of meeting someone suitable after you graduate from college.

If you are a female college student earning your degree, but your ultimate goal is still to get married and have children, I think that is perfectly alright and no woman should ever be made to feel less worthy than a woman who chooses to have a career over a family.  The feminist movement of the 1960’s and 1970’s made many women feel badly for wanting to live a traditional life as a wife and mother.  It is one of the reasons that I have never considered myself a feminist.  There are other reasons that I rejected the feminist movement, but is another story for another blog post of its own.

I applaud any woman who successfully navigates life as wife and mother.  I have never for one second of my life underestimated the importance of traditional gender roles.  I like to think of gender roles in spiritual terms.  The male is the mind of God and the female is the heart of God.  The heart is the center.  Without the heart of love, wisdom and power the mind of God is no good on his own.  These important elements of being a woman is what the feminist movement took away from women in the 1960’s and 1970’s.  To me it should never have been about questioning my natural gifts as a woman.  What women possess to naturally offer this world is tremendous and for humanity to move forward the female Presence has to be acknowledged.  In the religions of the world the Father’s Presence is always the only aspect of life that is ever acknowledged.  The important missing link in the world is the Mother’s Presence.

martha cooking One of the reasons that I love Martha Stewart is because she made it cool to want to be a wife and mother again.   Btw, Martha met her husband Andrew Stewart while in college.  Martha and Andrew were married in 1961.  A year after marrying, Martha graduated from Barnard College.  In 1965 Martha gave birth to her only children Alexis.  Martha has stated that she regrets not having more children.   Martha and Andrew divorced in 1987.

Martha's first book was published in 1982.

Martha Stewart’s first book was published in 1982.

I loved watching Martha’s show in TV and millions of women around the country tuned in.  I used to wish I had time for all those DIY projects. favorite episodes were the ones where Martha was out in her garden growing her own food and flowers.

Martha got a lot of women thinking about their homes again and family life.  I still have 100% cotton curtains by Martha Stewart that I bought about 10 years ago when K-Mart carried her line.  I also have her mixing bowls and chenille bedspreads that still continue to serve me well.

Martha Stewart kitchenI would even give Martha Stewart all the credit for why millions of people have been putting so much more thought into kitchen design over the past 20 years.  Women all over the country wanted a Martha Stewart kitchen when she came on the scene as a domestic goddess.

bedford gray

At age 71 Martha Stewart is trying her hand at love again.  I say good for Martha!

The Martha Stewart Blog.