My beloved father passed away during the night of March 11, 2016. Today his physical body will be laid to rest. My father really wanted to be on this earth plane until he reached 120 years. Instead he left at age 87. He would have turned 88 later this year. My father’s body was too wrecked from the effects of parkinson’s disease to sustain life in it any further. My father was far from the best father one could ever have, but long ago I forgave him for his human flaws, accepted him and loved him anyway. I will miss him, but at the same time feel relief that it is all over. He was not living a good quality of life, and in the last month or so things got really bad.
My mother divorced my father about 30 years ago, but she was there for him in every way as his health declined. Mom lives in Brooklyn, and my father lived in Queens. Mom took a train and two buses to my father’s house where she cooked for him, fed him, bathed him and made sure that he was as comfortable as could be. I could not do much because I live three hours away. I felt guilty about that, but my Mom said that my father would want me to remain at home and keep focused on my school work. I did speak with him on the phone, but it got to the point where he could barely talk anymore. The night that he passed on I knew he was leaving because I called his house and my sister told me that his body was as stiff as a board and he could no longer talk at all. I kept waking up during the night and feeling like he was gone, so when my Mom called me very early Saturday morning, I knew what she was going to tell me.
We chose not to have a service, but only to bury him today, skipping everything else. There will be no viewing, nothing, just the burial. I feel that is fine because I do not handle these things well. I have never been a fan of funerals. I feel that people who leave us should be laid to rest as soon as possible and then those who are still here need to move on as quickly as we can. I don’t want to fall into the pit of grief because it is difficult to climb out of it, so I am dealing with this in my way and the best way that I know how.